What Good Is a Relationship?

Relationships? What are they good for? Some may say to echo a song from long ago, "Absolutely nothing!" (It was about war, which is what many relationships feel like.)

I believe it was Harville Hendrix who wrote that relationships half of all realtionships end in divorce, and half of the remaining ones are unhappy. That's a lot of unhappy relationships.

Is there any hope?

I'd say, Yes! It requires a lot of effort, but a different kind of effort.

It helps to have similar interests, to have some chemistry, but those are just the beginning.

Most relationships start off not being very honest. Face it, we put on our best clothes, try to say all the right things, and are very attentive.

What's wrong with that?

It "ain't" real. How can we get to know each other if we are not being geniune?

So should I wear my t-shirt with holes in it, not wear any make up, talk like I am in the lockerroom, and ignore my date?

Probably not. However, we can discuss our lives openly. Not every little or big problem we have. Not every piece of dirty laundry on the first date.

But let's face it. That person sitting across from you has some big mistakes in his/her background. Everybody does. Everybody has issues. If they don't, they have not been alive.

Besides that, we both know it. We know that you are not very different from me. Maybe, you haven't cheated on your last boyfriend or girlfriend, or, maybe, you did. Or maybe, just maybe, you thought about it with that gorgeous girl/guy. (By the way, thinking about it may be providing info about what you want in a relationship or what your true motives in life are.)

Should you tell him/her all this right away? No, and, maybe, you should never tell him or her.

Instead, you can share your successes and struggles. Be up front, a little at a time as you build trust.

If you and I both know we have all sorts of stuff inside, but we don't ever talk about it, how real is that. How can I trust you? How can you trust me? What a great way to start a relationship? Wrong!

Who wants to get six months or six years down the road and realize that the person we are with is nothing like the guy / woman we dated. We can only put on a show for so long. Eventually, our real selves come out whether we like it or not, whether he or she likes it or not.

Well, what if that great guy/woman breaks up with me? Well, so, what? Is he/she really so great if they reject me?

But it hurts to feel rejected? Yes, it does. But would you rather feel rejected now or months or years from now, especially after you invested all that time and love and care? You tell me.

Trust is essential to a relationship, but we have to be truthful and honest so we can depend on each other. Besides that, won't it feel great if that other person loves us for who we are, not who we pretend to be? What if they accept me just the way I am? Whether I have a bad hair day, gain a few pounds, or have some wrinkles. Whether I can run the 100-yard-dash in 10 seconds or 10 minutes.

Isn't that what most of us really want?

Does this mean I shouldn't take care of myself or "cuss like a sailor". Is that being honest with ourselves? Is that living for our highest? Is that really caring for ourselves? No, but we can change these things. We can make an effort to look at them and adjust our lives. But do it for real, not on the surface, temporarily. Change what you can change about yourself.

Be the person you would like to be with. Eventually, sooner or later, he or she will come to us. Be honest, geniune, real with yourself. Change what you need to change in yourself. Then, attract a person who can trust, someone like you.