Max-LPC

Learnings about the Circle of Courage (Part II Intro) of Reclaiming Youth

2009-06-10T17:33:00.002-06:00

The authors, Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg, and Steve Van Bockern, introduce Part II by introducing the history and rationale for the Circle of Courage. They start by speaking about how Native Americans have passed down from generation to generation in a verbal tradition some basic values that provide the underpinnings of developing a positive culture for youth. Often, we do not know how to do that. What does a positive peer culture mean among a culture geared toward individualism? They refer back to 15,000 years of civilization of oral tradition from Native Americans. Since the time of conquering the Native Americans through military and technological superiority, many of us believe that the native civilization has nothing to offer us. Yet it does.

To help us see how Native values are "ready made" for positive cultural changes for schools and programs (and, I believe, our general culture), the authors discuss Stanley Coopersmith's work on self-esteem. He felt that the four basic components of self-esteem are:

"Significance is found in the acceptance, attention, and affection of others. To lack significance is to be rejected, ignored, and not to belong." The native practice of belongingness within a clulrual milieu nurtures significance.
"Competence develops as one masters the environment. Success brings innate satisfaction and a sense of efficacy, while chronic failure stifles motivation." The native focus on mastery ensures the sense of competence.
"Power is shown in the ability to control one's behavior and gain the respect of others. Those lacking power feel helpless and without influence." Expressing independence can result in a sense of power.
"Virtue is worthiness judged by the values of one's culture and significant others. Without feelings of worthiness, life is not spiritually fulfilling." Generosity is a value that reflects virtue. In other words, to feel worthy, to have a sense of a spirtually fulfilling life, one can be generous.

The authors point out how the number four has a sacred meaning to Native people because it sees a person standing in a circle surrounded by the four directions.

Learnings from Reclaiming Youth Part 1, Chapter: Loss of Purpose

2009-06-10T17:17:00.002-06:00

This chapter starts with a quote that indicates that the millions of children are not safe physically, educationally, economically, or spiritually, stating that it is the same for those who grow up in the ghetto as for those who grow up in mansions. It states that young people cannot develop a sense of value unless they can be of value to others. Instead of being able to give to others, the focus of our culture is upon selfishness, on competition instead of coperation and caring.

The first section of this chapter discusses how children no longer work to contribute to their family but to feed their desire for material goods. Because youth have more disposable income, they are vulnerable. They can buy cars to escape the influence of parents. They can buy substances to increase their excitement or decrease their stress.

The next section is about The Misery of Unimportance. In the past, all family members were necessary for each other's survival. Now, only about 25% of youth spend 3 or more hours per month giving to another person. Because they are more focused on consumption than on geniune contribution, children can feel unimportant. The authors, contrast how we value our use of time over relationships.

The last section of this chapter is about The Depersonalization of Education, in which schools have become less personal, following the trends of business because people believe that these organizations will work better if they are driven by data and cost efficiency. Fortunately, some organizations are attempting to create positive organizational cultures based on shared values.

Learnings from Reclaiming Youth at Risk: Part I, Chapter 3: Learned Irresponsibility

2009-06-10T16:43:00.003-06:00

In this chapter, I learned about the myth of how obedience training producing responsible adults. In contrast, they paraphrase WEB Dubois, indicating that only responsibility teaches responsibility. The authors refer to Ruth Benedict, an anthropologist, who criticized our culture for excluding youth from responsibility only to blame them for being irresponsible (e.g., youth who exhibit learned helplessnes, the defiant teen, the narcissitism of an affluent generation, the negative peer subcultures of gangs). By punishing children for rebellion, they learn how to manipulate and deceive to escape authority.

This chapter provides a Profile of Discouragement: A Youth Counterculture that speaks about those who studied gang members in Bogota, Columbia. To summarize this section, these children demonstrate remarkable talents and resourcefulness in order to survive because, "given their choice between enslavement in a pseudo-home and misery with liberty in the streets," they embrace freedom. Interestingly, as William Glasser has written, one of our needs is to have freedom (as well as fun, freedom, power, and belonging). No wonder these young people choose freedom over obedience.

Another section in this chapter indicates discusses the Tyranny of Indulgence. Many children seem to get everything they want. There are a good number of adults who are permissive with their children. They get the child whatever he wants. The authors list three problems with permissiveness, indicating:

Self-esteem may decrease because a child does not know what is of value and what behaviors are acceptable.
"Delinquency may be reinforced as adults keep giving 'another chance.'"
Aggresion increases if permissiveness is assoiciated with adult hostility.

This section as indicates that some adults are not really permissive. They are indifferent, "care-less." In other words, this person is not interested in his role as parent, teacher, or counselor. Other indifferent adults are distracted by their own problems. Other adults gain some satisfaction from a child's out-of-control behavior.

The next section, about the Tyranny of Obedience, starts by stating that "The saga of discipline of Western civilization is a litany of futile attempts to compel the young person to obedient behavior." The authors cite how the educational system has replaced relationships with an elaborate system of rules, with formal codes of conduct, which outline what is allowable and what will be punished. The authors begin to introduce another viewpoint, that of the Native American, who do not value obedience. The authors states how this group believe that men are the same,, that no one is superior to another. In contrast, they encourage an abundant freedom that is designed to give the child sufficient opportunity to learn from experience and natural consequences. This chapter ends with the thought-provoking idea that rules are important but that why someone follows the rules is equally important. If children are forced to follow rules, the will only do so if they are policed. This implies that if children internalize responsibility, they will not require "policing."

Learnings from Part 1: Seeds of Discouragement, Chapter 2: Climates of Futility

2009-06-10T16:08:00.005-06:00

This section opens with a quote of how troubled children are "throw-away" children. Having worked with teens and adults, I can see where this concept comes from. It seems that some people are just in the way, that it would be easier just to throw them away.

The theme of this section involves comparing the prevalent pessimism with the optimism of the pioneers in working with children.

Profile in Discouragement: An Unfriendly School

This part of this chapter, identifies four concepts, negative expectations, punitiveness, boredom, and irresponsibility. The book warns how our negative expectations can become true in how we look at children and how children respond. It talks about how Horace Mann suggested that teachers respond to difficult students like physicians who are looking to solve the challenge of a difficult case. He apparently stated that punishing these children is like the physician attacking a body part he was attempting to treat. I find it interesting that, when we discuss not punishing, people assume that the child will get out of control. Youth have little adventure so they have boredom. Children thrive in an environment of challenge and adventure. This chapter also encourages youth to be useful, to be responsible instead of irresponsible.

The chapter continues by discussing professional pessimism. They compare Floyed Starr's 1913 Creed for The Star Commonwealth for Boys: "We believe there is no such thing as a bad boy, that badness is not a normal condition but the result of misdirected energy. We believe that every boy will be good if given an opportunity in an environment of love and activity." In contrast,, the book charts the 10 Ds of Deviance in Approaches to Difficult Youth:

Theory; Problem; Typical Response
Primitive; Deviant; Blame, attack, ostracize
Folk Religion; Demonic; Chastise, exorcise, banish
Biophysical; Diseased; Diagnose, drug, hospitalize
Psyhoanalytic; Disturbed; Analyze, treat, seclude
Behavioral; Disordered; Assess, condition, time out
Correctional; Delinquent; Adjudicate, punish, incarcerate
Sociological; Deprived; Study, resocialize, assimilate
Social Work; Dysfunctional; Intake, case-manage, discharge
Educational; Disobedient; Reprimand, correct, expel
Spec Educ; Disabled; Label, remediate, segregate

The chapter continues discussing futility in the section heading Naive Personal Theories of Behavior. For example, some people take a child's behavior personally. It provides two tables illustrating attribution theory, one outlining the impact of negative personal theories and the other outlining the impact positive personal theories. Both assume that cognition leads to affect which leads to action.

The negative cognitions include demeaning labels (about child's traits), such as the child being inferior, incapable, or impotent, and blaming labels (about the child's deviance), such as disrespectful, disturbing, and indifferent. The affective result for the demeaning labels include repulsion and apathy while the affective result for the blaming labels are distress and anger. The action or resultant behavior include avoidance and neglect as a result of the demeaning labels and punishment and coercion for the blaming labels.

The impact of positive personal theories of behavior include the cognitions of esteeming labels (traits of the child), including worthy, competent, and strong, result in the affect of atraction and affection, which result in actions or behaviors of nurturing or empowering. Empathizing labels, which are about the challenges youth experience, include seeing the child in light of experiencing rejection, frustration, and discouragement. The resulting affect is sympathy and concern. This results in actions of befriending and encouragement.

While the context of the following quote is important, the quote itself is a good one. Goethe observed, "everything important has been thought before--the difficulty is to think of it again."

The writers used this quote because they were observing how we can go back to "important thoughts" of the past to help children. Instead of focusing on making the predators accountable, one can see "wayward youth" as seeking to satisfy unmet needs for love in inappropriate or ineffective ways. Instead of seeing punishment as a good thing, one can see that modern youth are discouraged and that punishment fuels that discouragement. We know that punishment tends to lead to hiding behavior.

Learnings from Part 1: Seeds of Discouragement, Section 1: Destructive Relationships

2009-06-10T15:57:00.002-06:00

This section provides a profile in discouragement where a child who is not connected to others expressed the magnitude of his loneliness. While we could consider this youth someone who would not help himself, he, in fact was moved from foster home to foster home, who started feeling disconnected from others. This boy states that he did not want to love anymore because he had been hurt "too many times." At 17 years of age, this boy hang himself.

This section, which started by talking about Karl Menninger's post-retirement work with youth, talks about Children without Belongings. It states that many parenting skills and resources are insufficient to meet a child's needs. It adds that modern communities (formerly tribes) have group resources, including relgious, social, business, and educational ones. However, the one best poised to help is often an impersonal bureaucracy where there are highly structured 50-minute activity that is controlled by the teacher. I remember the lost feeling I had in junior high and high school.

Instead of partnering, parents can blame schools, and schools can blame parents.

Learnings from Part I Intro for "Reclaiming Youth at Risk"

2009-06-10T12:28:00.002-06:00

At the center of the issue is a family under pressure stating that parents are too stressed, schools are too impersonal, and a community which is too disorganized.

Shortly later, this section of the book attempts to move away from negative traits or labels for troubled children to transactions within their environment. They describe four ecological hazards:

Destructive Relationships
Climates of Futility
Learned Irresponsibility
Loss of Purpose

Review of Introduction of the Book "Reclaiming Youth at Risk"

2009-06-10T11:47:00.002-06:00

Key "Learnings" from the Introduction: The Century of the Child.

While the Swedish sociologist Ellen Key predicted, in the early 1900s, the twenitieth century as the "Century of the Child" because of confidence in the progress of science.
Instead, Fritz Redl used the phrase "Love of Kids, Neglect of Children, Hatred of Youth" to describe the twentieth century.
It is lamentable that the behavioral sciences have not experienced any "step jump in technology." A step jump can refer to an original invention but, more commonly, refers to a recombination of previously existing knowlege. The book is an attempt to look at the experience of youth workers (versus just theory) and Native American philosophies of child rearing.
Personally, I enjoy the contrast of courage versus discouragement. While I understand the definitions of both words, I frequently do not consider them the antithesis of each other. In fact, when I think of discouragement, I do not consider it the state of being without courage.
The concept of "Reclaiming" originated with Martin Woolins of the University of California, Berkeley.
A reclaiming environment is one that creates changes the meet the needs of both the young person and the society. To reclaim means to recover, redeem, restore to value (of something that was devalued).
Features of a powerful reclaiming environment include:

Experiencing the BELONGING in a supportive community, rather than being lost in a depersonalized bureaucracy.
Meeting one's needs for MASTERY, rather than enduring inflexible systems designed for the convenience of adults.
Involving youth in determining their own future while recognizing society's need to control harmful behavior.
Expecting youth to be caregivers rather than just helps recipients overly dependent on the care of adults.

As a society, we can no longer afford the economic drain of disposable people. Having worked with adults who know one seemed to care about, who were placed into the criminal justice system or lived on the street where they are vulnerable. Children, even children from affluent homes, can become those disposable people if they do not fit with society.
Of course, a woman told me, recently, that people are genetically endowed with the ability to achieve and move forward. I believe that "success" is more complex than that. However, we try to keep things simple to keep ourselves from struggling with complexities of these kind of problems.
The goal of the book is to blend practice into theory.
The authors quote Janusz Korczak, who wrote:

This book is designed to be as short as possible because it is addressed primarily to a young colleague, who, suddenly thrown into the whirlpool of the most difficult educational problems, the most involved conditions of life, and now stunned and resentful, has sent out a cry for help.

A fatigued (compare to "burned-out") person cannot study thick volumes on education at night. One who is unable to get enough sleep will be incapable of implementing the precious principles he has learned. This shall be brief so that your night's rest may not be spoiled.

Review the Foreward of the Book "Reclaiming Youth at Risk"

2009-06-10T11:39:00.003-06:00

The Foreward is Titled "Our Hope for the Future" and is written by Archbishop Desmund Tutu.

Important Concepts or Ideas:

"We seem to have forgotten that people matter more than things."
"We have taught them (children) that success is everything, no matter how ruthless you might be in achieving your results.
"We have based our whole society on power, portraying compassion, gentleness, and caring as 'sissy' qualities.
"I fear that our wonderful expressions of concern for young people are just so much baloney." How does he know this? Deeds speak more than words.

Bipolar and Anxiety: What is There to Be Worried about?

2007-05-21T23:15:00.000-06:00

Let's tie together worry and bipolar symptoms. Manic symptoms can include (but these are not all the symptoms):

Irritability,
Goal-directed behavior (socially, work, school, or sexually),
Feeling pressured to speak,
Distractability

When someone is irritable, he or she can worry about being "edgy", about how being grumpy may be impacting others (even though it feels as if little can be done about it).

When someone is goal-directed, they worry about others getting in their way. Some people want to marry that someone special even though there is no mutual interest. Children may want to go play, and they worry that mom and dad will stop them so they lie (either lying by commission or omission , don't tell mom or dad where they are going, he doesn't stop by the house, or she doesn't call mom or dad. This person believes that he must finish that household project even though others are trying to sleep.

When someone feels pressured to talk, he can worry that someone is going to interrupt him, especially with something less important (cf. to the symptom of having an inflated self-esteem or having grandiosity). She can worry that it all won't get said.

If a person is highly distractable, trying to remember that last great idea worries him or her.

Depressive symptoms, the down side of bipolar disorder, include symptoms (these are not all the symptoms of depression) such as:

Feeling guilty or worthless,
Having difficulty concentrating
Feeling exhausted or tired
Feeling agitated or restless

When people are feeling guilty, they have regrets. They are anxious about what they have done or haven't done. They worry about who they are or about who they are not. They suffer from the pain of anxiety.

Those who cannot concentrate, focus, or make decisions struggle with anxiety, too. They could think clearly before, but, now, they can't. They worry about why that is, what is stopping their brain from working. They feel anxious, thinking they may never snap out of it.

Those who feel exhausted and tired, feel anxiety because they tend to worry about what has happened to all the energy they may have had before. Will they ever feel like themselves again?

Of course, when I feel restless or physically agitated, I usually feel anxious.

Of course, this isn't a comprehensive list. There are lots of things people can worry or feel anxiety about. On the other hand, people do not need to feel anxious. There is hope. It doesn't always feel like it, but there is.

Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder: What Is Anxiety?

2007-05-17T22:39:00.000-06:00

Anxiety can be difficult to define. Sometimes, when people talk about anxiety, they use words like stressed, distressed, overwhelmed, worried, nervous, or fearful. Obviously, there are differences between these emotions. In other ways, they can be slight variations of a single emotion.

There are several components to anxiety, depending on how you look at this emotion. For example, psychological studies have found that anxiety and excitement are similar in the way the body responds. While the physical sensations are similar, the labels (anxiety or excitement) are different. To some extent, labeling or re-labeling physical responses may help those who feel unnecessary anxiety. In order to illustrate this, think about (or remember) what it was like to date a new person. Some of us were anxious and some of us were excited. It depended on how one was predicting (see the future orientation) how the date would go. If we were confident or a risk taker, we may have been excited about how well a date may go. If we were worried, lacked confidence, or were unsure how a date may go, we may have been anxious. We were getting ready, making sure our clothes looked appropriate, our hair looked a certain way, and that we were buffed and shined (showered, shaved, brushed our teeth, etc.), but we were hoping that the date would go well. Who knows, we may not like this person after we got to know him or her. Worse yet, he or she may not like us.

It is important to realize that anxiety is an important emotion. Certain amounts of it help us to prepare for certain events, like a date with a new person, a job interview, a presentation, a speech, or an examination. If we didn’t have enough of this emotion, we may not care very much, we may feel unmotivated. We won’t prepare. I once had a roommate who was so “laid back”, it seemed that he had little motivation. As I recall, he had some trouble with his supervisor because it seemed like he didn’t care about doing a good job.

If we have too much anxiety, we may feel immobilized, want to run away, or even feel edgy or belligerent. In this case, we may be in a fight-flight-freeze response, which is usually related to a perceived threat. A perceived threat is not necessarily a real threat. If someone is angry or disappointed with us, we may think this is a threat. Even if someone yells at us, we may not truly be threatened. Being yelled at is uncomfortable, unpleasant, and we may feel insulted or disrespected. Yelling is more aggressive than calmly expressing feelings while it is less aggressive than making a fist. (Of course, this assumes that the person yelling is not saying things like “I’ll hurt you” or “I’m going to kill you” and intends, which can be difficult to determine, on following through on those comments.)

We can see where anxiety can lead to problems, like fighting and arguing. It can also lead us to “run away” or avoid are problems. Some people actually leave by divorcing, running away from their parents, partner, or job. Many others turn to drugs or alcohol to manage this emotion.

In order to make progress, it is important to note how often we run into actual threats. How often does this really occur? It can occur in car accidents or near misses. It can occur in war settings, like those in Iraq. It can occur in the woods if we are faced with a mountain lion. It can happen if we are involved with the wrong crowd, with those who carry weapons and brandish them. However, how often do we actually face real threats? For most of us, on a day-to-day basis, we don’t face life threatening situations, situations that “threaten” our life or well-being.

There is more to say about anxiety, what it is, what it looks like, how it impacts us, but those ideas will have to wait for another day.

Others may be asking about how anxiety relates to bipolar, which is the current theme. While anxiety is broader than bipolar disorder, which means many people struggle with varying degrees of anxiety, many of those with bipolar disorder have large amounts of anxiety. But for now, those questions will have to wait.

Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety: Introduction and Physiological Responses

2007-05-14T23:21:00.000-06:00

Often those with bipolar disorder feel anxious. For some, they retreat into their own world, afraid of being hurt by another (being yelled at, laughed at, insulted, and taken advantage of). Others are afraid of how they might act out on others so they isolate themselves. It leads some to yell, to argue, to get into fights. Sometimes, people turn to drugs and/or alcohol because of that anxiety.

Anxiety doesn’t feel good at all. It is a tough emotion. Our stomach can get a sinking feeling or can feel like it has butterflies in it. Worse yet, we can feel nauseous, like we want to throw up, or we can get diarrhea. Our palms can get sweaty, or they can get cold and clammy. Some of us get a tingling feeling in our hands, feet, or face. We can feel warm or hot all over our body. Our heart rate can increase. Our chest can get tight, or it can just hurt, making us think that we are having a heart attack. We can get palpitations or irregular heartbeats. Our hands can shake. Our legs or knees can feel weak, like we are going to fall. We can feel shaky or like we could faint. We can feel like we are partially paralyzed. Our mouth can get dry, like it has cotton balls stuck in it. We can get a lump in our throat. We can hyperventilate. Sometimes, we feel dizzy or lightheaded. At other times, we can feel like life is unreal, like we are in a dream. We can feel detached from our current situation, as if we are floating away. We can be unable to think clearly. Our vision can get blurry.

After Care & Recovery:What's Important After Treatment for Adolescents?

2006-08-15T00:33:00.000-06:00

After care or continuing care is needed whether one is working on sobriety whether while in a 12-Step group or following long-term residential treatment, intensive (short-term) inpatient, intensive outpatient, outpatient whether for antisocial, oppositional and defiant, or drug and alcohol issues. Follow-up is essential in most situations to ensure continued success. Why spend all the time, effort, and money only to stop short.

First - Make Sure They "Finished" Treatment

Hopefully, your son or daughter successfully completed his or her program. In other words, they graduated. They did not leave against clinical advice. Some only could attend a program that lasted four to six weeks (e.g., intensive inpatient treatment). Others have gone to outpatient or have been utilizing a 12-Step program (AA, NA, CA, CMA, MA).Other youth have spent a significant amount of time in treatment, six, nine, twelve months or even more. (While this is more costly, there is some evidence that the longer programs have more "sticking power".)When someone decides to make those changes, some would say that it takes six months to figure out what works and another six months to practice it. It takes a while to successfully treat youth who are struggling with problems of substance abuse, chemical dependence, who have been behaving in antisocial ways, or have been extremely oppositional and defiant. What happens to youth who either complete a short treatment program or who have been pulled prematurely from longer programs (when it looks like they have made some progress)? They quickly return to their old behaviors. In fact, they seem to start where they left off. Then, they get worse very quickly.That's why after care or continuing care is essential.

Ok, Now What?

Let's assume that the youth successfully completed treatment, or he or she is going to a 12-Step group. What's next? Is the youth prepared to return to his family, neighborhood, school, community? While the teen may have made the necessary changes internally in his thinking and attitudes as well as his outward behavior, will he or she be able to maintain these changes? It depends.What will help his or her continued success?

Research and Experts -- The "Lucky" Seven

Research and experts indicate that youth need to have follow-up after they return home. What needs to be included in this follow-up?

1. Follow-Up to Review Skills and PlansYouth need to continue to use their skills. They spent time learning them, and, now is the time to use them. Review of those skills, such as communication skills, problem-solving skills, and refusal skills can help the youth continue in the right direction. Under stress, it is not easy to use those skills so reminders and refreshers can help.Support or therapy groups with a partial psychoeducational focus (combined with an emotionally supportive atmosphere) can help the teen with their skill sets. Sitting with others who are struggling can help them not feel alone. Talking with others who are being successful can provide a role model.Individual counseling can also be beneficial for many. During weekly sessions, the therapist can review situations that have been tempting or troublesome.It may also be important to review one's relapse prevention plan, which should be carried with the person every day for the first year. Those ideas and commitments should be close by for easy reference. And, it is good to go over them and adjust them as necessary. Sometimes, some plans look good on paper, but, in the person's life, not be adequate. This is normal while someone is attempting to maintain sobriety. It takes practice to stay sober. Some plans work and some don't. Some adjustments, little or big, may be in order. The plan has to work for the individual.

2. 12 - Step Groups for those with drug and alcohol problemsIt is fairly difficult to have a youth attend a 12-Step Group. They often need some encouragement and support to do so. Parents and a professional can help the youth choose meetings (it is usually good to try many meetings) and assist with planning transportation to and from a meeting (or, at least, meet them there to demonstrate support).Why is it important to attend these meetings? One of the biggest reasons is that the youth can develop relationships with positive or working friends. Of course, he or she needs to be careful about who they choose to relate to after those meetings. However, one of the biggest influences on adolescent's drug use is their peers. Peers are highly influential.The people at 12-Step meetings are working or want to work a program of sobriety. Usually, those with drug and alcohol problems can relate to others with similar problems. The youth needs to keep attending.Of course, the youth should attend 90 meetings during the first 90 days he or she is back in his community. This keeps the person focused on working the program. As they say, "It works if you work it. It's worth it." They also say, "Keep coming back." It is not magical, but it is spiritual. It can have a cumulative effect.

3. Youth need to continue to have family treatment.The family is a key component. Hopefully, by this time, parents realize that successful treatment includes them. It was not just the "kid's fault". Besides that, the youth needs the parent.They need the parent to maintain some of the firm and caring atmosphere that facilitated their change in the first place. Parents need to implement changes, too. Those who are too permissive need to be more structured. Those who have been too rigid need to allow adequate room for the adolescent to meet his or her needs.There will be challenges. Old patterns of interaction will appear. There will be stress and disagreements. Those are normal. How they are handled usually need to be different. Maybe, the parent learned how to interact differently, but, under stress, reverts to old methods.Are the new rules and expectations being kept. Are the parents, whether married or divorced, able to work more effectively? Are they a team, or do they continue to fight and argue? Are the old roles of the rule "enforcer" and the "softie" still being used? Or do the parents realize that they need to come to an agreement and work together as a team?Furthermore, parents, like everyone else, need reinforcement when they are practicing new skills. It is difficult to change parenting styles without any help. A therapist can encourage their use and increase their effectiveness.As one can see, continued family treatment is important to make sure that the family unit and thereby the youth are maintaining the gains of treatment.

4. Help with the eco-system (e.g., the neighborhood and school) and other systems (e.g., probation).Parents can benefit from someone helping to check by phone or in person on the youth at school, in the neighborhood, and with probation. Usually, parents are working hard and don't have time to follow up, at least, not as much as they would like to.How is the teen adjusting to school? Who is she hanging out with? How are the teachers and the youth interacting? What is the kid doing for fun? What is she doing with her spare time?Is the youth working, staying busy, if it is the summer? Where is he working? What are the co-workers like? Boredom can lead to relapse.If the youth is on probation, is he making his scheduled appointments? Is he following through on required activities (e.g., community service)?

5. Those youth who abused drugs and/or alcohol need to be monitored with urine tests.Probably the shorter the treatment episode or period, the more often the youth needs regular urine testing. Dr. Kevin McCauley (www.addictiondoctor.com) encourages a Urine Analysis (UA) every three days. While this may seem expensive, it is a relatively effective way to keep the youth clean. And, considering the cost of additional treatment, it is an less expensive way to maintain sobriety. These urine tests could cost from about $1500 to $4000 per year (100 drug tests x $15 or $40). However, 28 days of treatment can cost around $7000 or more.Random UAs are an option, but they are not as effective as regular ones. Drug abusers report that they start to guess when these tests will happen (e.g., if the receive a drug test today, they may assume that the next one will not occur for another week).

6. Visits with other professionalsReturning to a community can be difficult. For a teen, the stress, especially of peer pressure can be great. He or she may need regular individual sessions to manage the stress. The young man or woman probably needs someone to confide in. A sponsor (someone with several years of sobriety, of the same gender, who is working their program) can be one support while a therapist, who can handle the deeper or bigger mental health issues, which may contribute to the problem, can be another.An addictionologist, a medical doctor who specializes in the treatment of addictions, can provide expertise about recovery (e.g., the impact of the drugs on mood, motivation, the brain and body, etc.) as well as medications (if necessary) that make recovery more comfortable and more likely.

7. Fun is very importantThe youth has needed to make many changes and has worked really hard. The old ways of having fun are not beneficial. He or she may need to learn how to have fun in new ways in the old environment. The teen may need to be encouraged and helped to have fun. This is important. To stay on this new path, some of his or her new life needs to be enjoyable and fun. Otherwise, he may decide to go back to his old life, or she may go back to using drugs and alcohol in order to feel good again.

Resources

Dr. Kevin McCauley - Presentation (see his website for additional information).

Godley, S. H., Godley, M. D., Karvinen, T., & Slown, L.L (2001). The Assertive Continuing Care (ACC) Protocol: A Case Manager's Manual for Working with Adolescents After Residential Treatment of Alcohol and Other Substance Use Disorders.

Cocaine Withdrawal Symptoms

2006-07-07T00:03:00.000-06:00

What are the withdrawal symptoms of cocaine?

Initially, for the first couple weeks, the person may sleep more, act impulsively, or feel depressed, anxious, shameful, fearful, confused, or self-doubt. Cravings to use cocaine are strong, and the client may have trouble concentrating or coping with stress. He or she may become irritated easily with other people.

The depression can be accompanied by suicidal feelings.

Later, the person may feel reduced physical or sexual energy, depressed, anxious, irritable, or bored; he or she may have trouble concentrating, and feels strong cravings or thoughts about using cocaine.

Detox and Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms

2006-07-05T23:48:00.000-06:00

What is detox? Detox stands for detoxification.

Ok, so what is detoxification? According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, it is a process in which allows the body to get rid of a drug while helping the person manage symptoms of withdrawal.

What are some of the symptoms of withdrawal? It depends on the drug you are referring to.

Today, let’s review symptoms for alcohol withdrawal.

Mild to moderate psychological symptoms include: jumpiness or nervousness, shakiness, anxiety, irritability, easily excitable, rapid emotional changes, depression, fatigue, difficulty thinking clearly, and bad dreams.

Mild to moderate physical symtpoms include: a general, pulsating headache, sweating (especially the palms or the face), nausea and vomiting, loss of appetite, rapid heart rate, enlarged pupils, clammy skin, hand tremors, pale or gray skin, involuntary movement of the eyelids.

Severe symptoms include delirium tremens, which is a state of confusion and visual hallucinations, agitation, fever, convulsions, and black outs (forgetting what happened during a drinking episode).

Alcohol withdrawal can range between two extremes, mild and uncomfortable to a serious, life-threatening situation. The symptoms begin within 12 hours of the last drink, peak in 48-72 hours, and can last as long as a week or more. Some symptoms can persist for three to 12 months.

General references:
Medline Plus (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus)
National Institute of Drug Abuse (http://www.drugabuse.gov)

Sobriety Tips of Dr. Kevin McCauley

2006-07-04T16:03:00.000-06:00

You want to be sober, or you want to help someone you care about be free of drugs. What will help you or your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, child, parent, co-worker be able to manage this difficult problem?

I heard Dr. Kevin McCauley speak in April this year, and I have been thinking about what he said ever since. Kevin is a medical doctor, and his speciality is addictionology, the study of addictions.

Dr. McCauley states that there are 10 factors that contribute to successful drug and alcohol treatment.

1. Four weeks of inpatient treatment, including detox and psychiatric evaluation
2. Immediate aftercare treatment
-- 12-Step meeting for the day of discharge
-- an appointment with an addictionologist or physician
-- a reserved spot in an outpatient program (that meets 3-5 hours per week).
3. One month living in a place with focused on sobriety (a sober living environment)
4. 90 12-Step Meetings in 90 days
5. Relapse Plan (what to do if there is a relapse)
6. Drug tests (UAs) every three days
7. Return to work quickly
8. Regular visits to their addictionologist
9. Medication (as needed, re-evaluating periodically with physician)
10. Fun! (Learning how to have normal fun again)

Client: Ok, this sounds like a lot of work, and it sounds expensive.

Max: Yes, yet it depends.

Client: Depends? Depends on what?

Max: It depends on what is important to you. Can you do what it takes for as long as it takes? Kicking addiction is a difficult process. It can take a lot more than a decision (alone) and willpower (white knuckling).

Client: So, what if I don’t use one or more of these?

Max: Well, the addiction doctor (Dr. McCauley’s site is http://www.addictiondoctor.com) says that it drops your chances for success with each one you don’t utilize.

Client: How much will all this cost?

Max: Dr. McCauley estimates that the UAs can cost around $4000 for one year (of course, after about 100+, a person can have a year of sobriety); Sober Living Environments can run the rate of a cheap apartment to a comprehensive facility; there are choices in treatment programs (and their cost) also.

Angry Behavior

2005-08-09T00:11:00.000-06:00

What is angry behavior?

Well, anger is really not a behavior, but it is an energizing emotion (by the way, some have labelled E-Motions Energy in MOTION). It leads us to take some sort of action.

What kind of choices do I have?

I can be aggressive. Aggression means yelling, screaming, threatening, fighting, hitting, etc.

Most of those behaviors can get us into trouble in relationships and with the law (Harrassment, menacing, assualt, domestic violence, manslaughter, murder).

I can be passive. Being passive means that I don't take action. Sometimes, it can feel as if I am being a door mat for others to wipe their feet on (icky).

If I take action because of my anger, I may be hurt emotionally or physically. Being passive protects me from being hurt. (There are times, not many, when it is better to be passive for our own protection.)

However, there can be a cost to being passive, to not using the energy that comes with anger.

For example, the kick the cat syndrome, which means we are passive with a boss but come home and kick the cat out of anger.

Or, we can take it out on ourselves by drinking or doing other self-harming activities.

The third choice is being assertive. Being asservtive means that I take an action. However, I am not reacting; I am acting. I am responding appropriately. If someone stands on my toe, I say, "Ouch" and ask the person to move off my toe.

Sometimes, there are no seemingly appropriate actions. For example, when someone is driving slowly (relatively) in the left lane of traffic, I may be stuck. However, there are usually windows of opportunity to move around this person. However, if I am focused on being passive (not doing anything about this situation) or aggressive (flashing my lights, flipping the person off, honking), I may miss the appropriate action. I can make a different choice.

The key word here is "choice". No, not passing on the shoulder. But, maybe, looking ahead to see if this person may turn soon or change lanes soon. Sometimes, people simply do not pay attention. Maybe, it is a chance for me to practice patience. Maybe, I need to check traffic and pass the person when there is an additional lane available. The key is making the appropriate choice. The reality of the situation is that I will probably not be able to make the person change. The good news is that I can change my response IF I WANT TO!

By the way, I pick the driving scenarios because I hear about them and experience them so often. They lead to so much frustration and aggravation.

Hopefully, this has been helpful. If it has, great. If not, I tried. Either way, it is late so I am going to close for today.

Max

Angry Again?

2005-08-08T23:50:00.000-06:00

Feeling angry again?

If you are like many people, it happens all too often.

The person who was driving in the left lane 10 mph below the speed limit. Does this ever happen to you? Not supposed to pass in the right lane, but this person seems to be too involved with their own thoughts, a cell phone conversation, talking to her dogs (I observed this one today) or, simply, likes to avoid the "problems" of the right lane (you know, other cars merging or turning or something) so you either have to hang out behind them or pass in the right lane. I don't know why these people drive like this. It doesn't really matter. Why? Because it is REALITY! The person IS in the left lane going slow for whatever reason.

The slacker who got the promotion to supervisor because she didn't spend time on her computer, but spent time "smoozing" her supervisor. They don't do anything to promote the company's bottom line like you do, but they move ahead, moving to their level of incompetence (the Peter Principle). Arggh! (Charlie Brown would say.) It may not seem fair, but it is what? REALITY!

So, what can I do with REALITY?

I can either react or respond.

When I react, I feel irritated, frustrated, annoyed, frustrated, angry, or rageful. The more incensed I feel, the more likely I will make a poor choice in behavior. This behavior can vary from complaining to a co-worker or partner to more aggressive behavior like flipping the person off or threatening him or her. Do I really need to do that? Do I feel better? (Only temporarily, by the way.) Inside, my blood pressure has gone up. I may get a headache. Do I need these symptoms. Doesn't sound healthy does it?

Or, I could respond. What information is this situation providing me? About myself? About planning ahead? About my lifestyle? About how to drive? About how to work? If I listen to those answers, I will be farther ahead. I will quit wasting time complaining and doing ineffective behaviors and start learning from life and about myself.

Is it easy? NO! It is difficult to change my mindset. Who promised us that life would be easy? (Another thing to make us angry, right?)

Is it worth it? YES! Making deep changes in our life is worth it.

Or we could simply stay angry and stuck.

Stressed? Ready for the Weekend?

2005-08-05T21:45:00.000-06:00

Ah, the weekend. Time to kick back and relax, right?

Yea, maybe.

Some of us will be very busy this weekend. We will mow the lawn, wash the car (and clean out all those papers and trash that have accumulated over the week), finish (or start) the laundry, clean the house, maybe do some work that we didn't get done during our 40, 50, or 60 hours on the job.

Some will sleep in and try to catch up on all the sleep we missed. (The average American, I've heard sleeps around 6 hours a night. Yet, I have heard that the most important sleep happens between the 1-1/2 between hours 6-1/2 and 8. That's when ideas are probably the easiest to remember because it is the lightest times of sleep.)

Some will rush off to go camping, fishing, or hiking, or maybe, drinking, and dancing to the wee hours. They will get some time away.

Do these activities relax us, allow us to decompress, or de-stress?

It depends on the person.

Some of us will do them because our partner wants us to do them, we are so tired we can't seem to sleep enough, or we feel we "should" have a clean house, a clean car, a manicured lawn. Those who "tie one on" will lose a lot of stress quickly until the next morning (when their head hurts because the alcohol dehydrated the brain and all the water we drink hydrates it pressing it against our cranium).

Does that sound relaxing?

Not to me. It sounds stressful.

So, what should we do? Keep going without sleep, not go on that trip, or have a dirty house, etc.?

Maybe.

While many activities provide temporary relief from stress, which is a positive thing (which is why we keep doing them), they don't provide an answer to a long-term or bigger problem.

It is important to ask ourselves -- Why?

Why do I do what I do?

If we do things we don't really want to do or because we feel obligated, that is a different cause of stress.

If it leads to arguments with our partner, friends, or the person who bumped into us and caused us to spill our drinks, it may not be worth it.

If we do it to avoid arguments or to get away, it is a temporary relief. But, it does not relieve some of the deeper causes of stress.

So, what are these deeper causes? Being at a job we detest for a majority of our waking hours and not doing anything about it. Having a relationship with someone we don't like or acting in ways we are not proud of and not taking a look at why.

Most of our behavior is controlled by the following areas:

1. What we believe about the world.

(What is it about? Some with spiritual or religious beliefs look at this area at least once in a while.) Do my actions reflect my beliefs about the world. Do I want to change that world view? Where can I get this information?

We may not want to trust our experience. Our viewpoint is limited, and do we want to believe that there is not enough to go around, that it is a dog-eat-dog world?

2. What we believe about ourselves, who we are, what our identity is.

What is my self-concept and how is my self-esteem?

Do my actions reflect who I truly am? Am I important or not? Am I loveable? Am I valuable?

Again, don't base your answer on your experience alone. Failures are really feedback about what works and what doesn't. If we feel like a failure deep down, how can our actions not be impacted. Won't we choose a partner who is similar, and won't that led to a few arguments and a break up or divorce? Won't we choose dead end jobs? Won't we raise kids who have even more problems than the ones they face already?

3. What we value.

What do we really value? A clean car or a happy family? A manicured lawn or a good relationship? In other words, what is most important? What are our priorities?

We don't have time to do everything we "should" (often, self-imposed or perceived obligations) or could do, but we do have time to do things we truly value.

If we plan our weekend from the top down (our world view, identity, and values)instead of from what is expedient or a quick fix, we will start to become less stressed in the long run.

Why not take an hour each weekend to truly look at these things so we can make better and less stressful decisions. Sure, you are busy and want to relax. And, you can. But take some time to figure out why and how to make your entire life more how you want it to be.

If you want some additional help with these ideas, go here: www.affinity-counseling.com/products/product_vision_to_action. Moving from Vision to Action is a great ebook that makes these changes simple. It's easy to read and use!

Max

What Good Is a Relationship?

2005-08-03T20:19:00.000-06:00

Relationships? What are they good for? Some may say to echo a song from long ago, "Absolutely nothing!" (It was about war, which is what many relationships feel like.)

I believe it was Harville Hendrix who wrote that relationships half of all realtionships end in divorce, and half of the remaining ones are unhappy. That's a lot of unhappy relationships.

Is there any hope?

I'd say, Yes! It requires a lot of effort, but a different kind of effort.

It helps to have similar interests, to have some chemistry, but those are just the beginning.

Most relationships start off not being very honest. Face it, we put on our best clothes, try to say all the right things, and are very attentive.

What's wrong with that?

It "ain't" real. How can we get to know each other if we are not being geniune?

So should I wear my t-shirt with holes in it, not wear any make up, talk like I am in the lockerroom, and ignore my date?

Probably not. However, we can discuss our lives openly. Not every little or big problem we have. Not every piece of dirty laundry on the first date.

But let's face it. That person sitting across from you has some big mistakes in his/her background. Everybody does. Everybody has issues. If they don't, they have not been alive.

Besides that, we both know it. We know that you are not very different from me. Maybe, you haven't cheated on your last boyfriend or girlfriend, or, maybe, you did. Or maybe, just maybe, you thought about it with that gorgeous girl/guy. (By the way, thinking about it may be providing info about what you want in a relationship or what your true motives in life are.)

Should you tell him/her all this right away? No, and, maybe, you should never tell him or her.

Instead, you can share your successes and struggles. Be up front, a little at a time as you build trust.

If you and I both know we have all sorts of stuff inside, but we don't ever talk about it, how real is that. How can I trust you? How can you trust me? What a great way to start a relationship? Wrong!

Who wants to get six months or six years down the road and realize that the person we are with is nothing like the guy / woman we dated. We can only put on a show for so long. Eventually, our real selves come out whether we like it or not, whether he or she likes it or not.

Well, what if that great guy/woman breaks up with me? Well, so, what? Is he/she really so great if they reject me?

But it hurts to feel rejected? Yes, it does. But would you rather feel rejected now or months or years from now, especially after you invested all that time and love and care? You tell me.

Trust is essential to a relationship, but we have to be truthful and honest so we can depend on each other. Besides that, won't it feel great if that other person loves us for who we are, not who we pretend to be? What if they accept me just the way I am? Whether I have a bad hair day, gain a few pounds, or have some wrinkles. Whether I can run the 100-yard-dash in 10 seconds or 10 minutes.

Isn't that what most of us really want?

Does this mean I shouldn't take care of myself or "cuss like a sailor". Is that being honest with ourselves? Is that living for our highest? Is that really caring for ourselves? No, but we can change these things. We can make an effort to look at them and adjust our lives. But do it for real, not on the surface, temporarily. Change what you can change about yourself.

Be the person you would like to be with. Eventually, sooner or later, he or she will come to us. Be honest, geniune, real with yourself. Change what you need to change in yourself. Then, attract a person who can trust, someone like you.

Anger in a Relationship

2005-07-29T00:05:00.000-06:00

Anger.

Some of us feel anxious when we hear that word. Images of an angry partner or spouse come to mind. Or, maybe, when dad lost his cool with mom or with us. We may go to a different place and time. We are no longer in the present. We either go to the past. Or, we go into the future. We don't want the future to be like the past.

Others get on the defense. We prepare for a fight. Our jaws clench, our stomach tightens, and we may start to make a fist. Our volume goes up. We may start to yell. We feel threatened.

Yet, anger is an emotion, only a feeling. It is the behavior and, especially, uncontrolled behavior that is a problem.

Some people become angry often. Some avoid it like the plague.

Simply, it is a misunderstood emotion.

Why do we get angry?

Sometimes, we get frustrated, then annoyed, then angry, then, maybe rageful (various forms of anger) when we make requests and another agrees to meet the request, but doesn't over and over. Please pick up your room, or your socks, or put the dishes in the sink. We overreact. But is it really about the messy room, the socks on the floor, or the dishes in the sink? Probably not. It is our expectation that the other person meant what they said. When they failed to keep their word, we feel hurt, disappointed. As Steven Covey writes, it takes from the relationship bank account -- we lose trust in the other. That really bothers us.

It would save time for the other person just to say, "No, I do not want to do that." But we want to please the other person and we want to avoid the conflict in the short-term. We put off the long-term impending war.

What's the answer to this? Learning how to communicate openly, honestly, and tactfully.

The person who made the request over and over is still expecting the person to keep his/her word. Should we? Maybe; maybe not. Einstein apparently said or wrote that it is insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. How many times does a person need fail to keep his/her word before we need to change our approach? Well, you know that old saying: It happens once shame on you; twice shame on me.

Does this mean that I should distrust the person? Maybe, maybe not. We cannot change the other person. We can only influence him or her. People's behavior speaks volumes. It tells us about values and beliefs. Maybe, keeping their word is not important. Or, maybe, he/she overcommits. Or, maybe, they have other needs and values that are more important than the request we made.

So, we have to change. None of us really likes it, but if we want to prevent frustration, annoyance, anger, and rage, we can change our expectations. We may need to change our approach. Or, we may have to drop our request. Or, we may need to look at the relationship or previous ones (with other partners or parents--who taught us what to expect and how to act).

We can take a lesson from rats. They learn that if someone moved the cheese, they need to change their tactics and efforts. They would starve if they stayed in the same spot that they got e cheese the previous time. We stay emotionally starved, hurt, and, then angry when we stay in the same spot relationally.

Another time we become angry is when we have a boundary violated. A boundary is a limit to a certain type of behavior. If someone yells at us, it is probably a boundary violation. If someone gets too close to us when we don't want to be close, that is a boundary violation. If someone hits us, that is a boundary violation. Should this boundary be discarded? No. We need to respond appropriately. Allow the anger to motivate toward assertive, not aggressive, violent behavior. (There are times when one has to evaluate the boundary violation and the proper response. For example, evaluate what is the best immediate response when someone is threatening. Then, figure an assertive follow-up response.) For example, if someone is physically threatening us, when we can get far enough away, call the police or a domestic violence center (to get out of a violent relationship). If someone yells at us, tell them that you don't want to be spoken to in that manner. (If a boss yells at you, you need to consider what action is appropriate. The relationship with him/her is not equal. With a domestic partner or spouse, the relationship is considered equal.)

Obviously, there are many, many details to anger and this is just a start. If you want more individual help, give me a call. If you want more general help, there are many books on emotions and anger management. Take the time to check them out.

Max

Attention Singles: Best US Cities for Singles

2005-07-27T22:06:00.000-06:00

Guess what? Forbes has declared Denver-Boulder area as #1 in the whole USA! To think, I only live 75 miles south of Denver. Look for the Special Report on the link above (at Forbes home page).

What was the criteria? Percentage of singles, amount of nightlife (bars, clubs, restaurants), culture, cost of living, job growth, and "coolness" (diversity and number of "creative" workers, like writers, teachers, and, as I recall artists).

I speak with singles, and they often ask where can I meet a man or a woman? Well, for those in Colorado Springs, they could go north. Based on the criteria above, the Springs may be limited because we don't have enough college students and we are considered a "conservative" city, one that is not known for diversity, culture, and creative workers.

However, I do think it is quite possible to find someone to date. However, the rub is that it is difficult to find someone of "quality" -- a typical complaint.

So, what is the answer?

First, we have to be people of quality. Like attracts like. We attract what we think about. If we think about lack of quality people to date, that is what we will get.

I was sitting in a local deli last week near a couple of women chatting about, you know what? Guys! While I sat trying to work on a project, I could not overlook or not hear parts of their conversation. One of them was attractive, but I could have told her why she was having problems just by looking at her body language, which does most of the communicating. In fact, I was tempted to tell her (I didn't). She was "gamey". Dating and relationships were a game to her. Who would she attract? Guys who played games. No wonder she was having problems. She needed to work on her character. Get "real" girlfriend.

Second, we need to communicate our excitement, not be a "neggie" complaining about all the "bad" matches. We should not make up fake excitement. But, if we are people of quality and communicate this with excitement, other "cool" people are going to want to be around us. How do you do this?

To "market" yourself, you need to know who you are. Be one of the best products out there. (See point #1). Then, communicate that with excitement to others. Have you ever been excited about something you bought. You told everybody who would listen about it. You focused on all the positive points. You did not focus on the negative ones probably because you did not notice them.

Can you do that with yourself? Or do you focus on your negative traits and beliefs? We all have weaknesses, but we don't have to focus our mental time on them. If you cannot see this, then it is time to work on your self-concept, self-image, self-esteem. How do you like hanging around with someone who puts you down all day? Then, why do it to yourself?

Is this easy or fast? Sometimes, but it takes time. Give yourself time.

Ok, that is enough for today. Thanks for reading. If I can be of any help with your self-esteem or relationships. Let me know. There is so much more to this. Like looking deeply at our identity, values, beliefs, and actions, but I am running out of time.

Max

Counseling and Customer / Client Service

2005-07-26T15:39:00.000-06:00

Today, I went to get an oil change and my emissions checked (we do that in Colorado for clean air purposes) at one of those drive-through centers. Well, I didn't pass in one category, just by a little.

I asked the guy who tested it what I could do. This seemed like a little problem and could have been testing error. That guy told me that I needed to get a tune up, which I might, but I was in a hurry. Basically, nope, this is the way it is, etc.

Because I don't like to be deterred over little problems and was rushed, I went next door to another chain (one of those that specializes in brakes, but does tune ups). Frank looked at the numbers and said that it may have been idling too long and should run it up and down the street. Then, I should retest it.

Sure enough, it passed this time. I remember the names of the two who really helped me, Frank, at the other shop, and Megan, who ran the second test (and who had agreed with Frank's ideas).

What does this have to do with counseling?

First, I had a problem.

Second, I felt frustrated.

Third, I needed some help now.

How did the first guy treat me? He acted as if I didn't have a clue, that he was right, that this is the way it was. He, basically, did his "job".

Frank, on the other hand, listened to my problem, offered me two solutions (get the "cob's" out and, then, if needed, a tune-up -- he would even throw his emissions test in for free).

Megan, listened when I repeated Frank's idea and cooperated.

Isn't this what I do as a counselor?

The client has a problem, is frustrated, and needs some help now.

I try to get a client in as soon as possible, listen to the frustration and problem.

Then, I try to find the simplest solution. If that doesn't work, I talk about a "tune-up". (Of course, maybe, the person needs an overhaul, but that is the third solution.)

It is up to the client. Let's try the simplest solution first.

While people and cars are not the same, they both need the art and science of what makes them work or not. Knowing how to apply the art (the soft side of mechanics -- Chevy's that idle tend to build up certain gases and listen to the customer; the soft side of people -- they have feelings, needs, wants, etc.; listen to them). The science is knowing how cars work or how people work.

The analogy is limited (I don't view people as machines), but can be useful.

I guess this "came up" (some lingo or psycho-babble) because I had been comparing myself to another male therapist. He sounded much more scientific, focused on the "hard" side (if there can be a hard side to a soft science) of counseling or psychology.

While I have a good grasp of the science of counseling and psychology (95th percentile on the Graduate Record Exam for psychology; was top counseling grad student with my program), I believe that relationships, not just facts and techniques, are helpful for clients. Can I apply the "science"? You bet! I can utilize thinking/cognitive techniques. I can use behavior techniques, too. I can help clients find solutions.

Studies also indicate that techniques are only a small portion (15%) of what helps clients. Listening, acknowledging, and validating are much more effective. One study found that the "softer" side of counseling was more effective in helping clients (67% after 6 months, 33% after 18 months). In other words, the relationship is key to counseling.

I know that stats can be used to support just about any idea, but I have also found that changes in my life were made because of the respect I have for a mentor (because of the way they treat me) and the caring they demonstrate.

Well, this has been a long post so I will leave it at this for now.

Thanks for reading.

Max

Hi! It's Been a While! Updated Web Site

2005-07-24T19:55:00.000-06:00

Hi! I wanted to take a break from updating my website.

It's been months since I've written, but I'm am going to try to do so more often (especially since I have added a feed link on my site -- I better keep up, or I'll look like I'm not active, huh?) : - )

Well, I have been active, but taking care of the details of my growing private practice, Affinity Counseling, Inc. (www.affinity-counseling.com) and with my kids. My son and I have been spending more time together this summer. Now, he is on vacation with his mom, and I have some extra time.

Anyway, besides adding a new look that, hopefully, you'll like, it's going to have . . .

Articles from . . .

my other website www.kidstherapyplace.com

people like Emmanuel Segui, who is an NLP master practitioner,

Charlie Badenhop, is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and
Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. His site is: www.seishindo.org

plus, hopefully, some more articles from me and others (in the works!).

Products

My first is Moving Vision to Action, which is by Emmanuel Segui.
To read about it: www.affinity-counseling.com/products/product_vision_to_action.

Ok, it's been long enough of a break. I need to call a couple clients.

I'll try to write more soon.

By the way, thank you to all my clients and web site visitors!

Max

Other Unlikely Causes of AD/HD: Too Much TV & Poor Parenting

2005-01-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Excessive TV watching or video game playing seems to be more of an effect rather than a cause of AD/HD. Children over-utilize these activities because it seems to help them maintain focus and control their internal sense of agitation.

Parents who are overly involved in their child’s activities or are negative about their child’s behavior seems to be more of result of the child’s AD/HD rather than a causative factor. Studies have found that improving a caregiver’s parenting techniques has little impact on improving the symptoms of AD/HD.

Unlikely Cause of ADHD: Sugar

2005-01-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

While sugar, artificial substances in food, sugars, milk, and eggs have been implicated as causing AD/HD, the National Institute of Health, in 1982, found that restricting these items only helped only about 5% of the children with AD/HD and that most of these children were either younger or had food allergies. Sugar can create energy, but only for about an hour. The pancreas excretes insulin to counteract the sugar “high”, which makes people tired about an hour after ingesting the sugar.

However, a small number of children, especially younger children, may benefit from a change in diet. Parents may want to consult their physicians about this.

Also, some parents report that have helped a child become less hyperactive by reducing the child's sugar intake. Even if this only the parents' perception, it seemed to work for them, reducing the symptoms, which was the goal. I would gather that the child and parents were less stressed and happier, and who can argue about that?

Impact of AD/HD on Child & Parents

2005-01-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

To grasp the importance of treating children who have ADHD, one can look at the impact of the disorder on the child. About 25% of these children also have learning disabilities. They are more likely to start abusing substances, like alcohol, illegal drugs, and nicotine in their teens. They are more likely to drop out of school and less likely to have a satisfying career later in life. They often either may have or develop other disorders later, including Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, depression, and anxiety disorders. Since these children are more aggressive, disruptive, domineering, intrusive, and noisy, about half of these children will have significant interpersonal problems with siblings or classmates.

Parents of those with AD/HD also suffer in many ways, including having more parenting-related stress, feeling more incompetent as parents, and having lower self-esteem. These parents are more likely to argue with their partners, separate, and divorce. To relieve some of the stress and blame, it would be helpful to review what probably does not cause AD/HD and what seems to cause it.

AD/HD Con't: Symptoms of Hyperactivity & Impulsivity

2005-01-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

The two parts of AD/HD include AD, which stands for Attention Deficit or inattention, which was discussed previously, Hyperactivity, which will be discussed in this post, and the last "D" stands for Disorder. Hyperactivity also includes impulsivity. Hyperactivity, in contrast to inattention or attention deficit, may be noticeable when a child is preschool age and is almost always present by the time the child is 7. Symptoms of hyperactivity include: fidgeting with hands or feet; squirming in seat; leaving one’s seat when they are expected to remain seated; often running or climbing when it is not appropriate; difficulty playing quietly; often “on the go” or appears to be “driven by a motor”; and often talking excessively. Symptoms of impulsivity include: blurting out answers out of turn or before the question has been asked; difficulty awaiting one’s turn; interrupting others; and intruding on others (e.g., during conversations or games). It is important to remember that symptoms of AD/HD occur in many children, but those with ADHD exhibit these symptoms more frequently and in a many different places, such as home, school, or while visiting friends. To summarize, a child may have predominantly inattention, predominantly hyperactivity, or may have a combination of both. For more information, you may visit http://www.kidstherapyplace.com/newslttrdec04, which has a full-length article about the symptoms, impact, and causes of ADHD, or http://www.kidstherapyplace.com/children for info about my work with children.

ADHD Continued: Symptoms of Attention Deficit or Inattention

2005-01-05T03:08:00.000-07:00

Inattention or attention deficit may not be noticed until a child is in school because teachers may notice many of the symptoms, which include: not following through on instructions; not finishing schoolwork or chores; difficulty in paying attention to details; making careless mistakes; difficulty sustaining attention on a particular task at school or while playing; not listening when spoken to directly; difficulty organizing tasks or activities; avoiding or disliking tasks that require sustained mental work; losing necessary objects for activities (e.g., pencils, toys, school assignments); being easily distracted; and being forgetful.

What is RSV?

2005-01-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

A parent of an infant recently asked me about RSV.

I remember when my daughter had it. This was not one of my favorite memories.

According to webmd.com, RSV stands for Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV) Infection. Since I cannot give medical advice, I will direct you to http://www.webmd.com. Put "RSV" in the search box, and it will pull up info about what causes it, what the symptoms are, what increases your risk, when to call a doctor, exams and tests, treatment overview, prevention, home treatment, and medications, and more.

What is AD/HD?

2005-01-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

AD/HD stands for Attention Deficit / Hyperactive Disorder.

There are three kinds of AD/HD:

Predominantly Inattentive Type
Predominantly Hyperactive Type
Combined Type (both inattentive and hyperactive)

I will post an explanation of these types and more about AD/HD, including the symptoms, statistics, impact, causes, the AD/HD brain, treatment options and issues, commonly used medications, and tips. You may view an article about AD/HD, including stats, symptoms, impact, and causes, by using the link http://www.kidstherapyplace.com/newslttrdec04

2005-01-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

Max

Pic of me. To, hopefully, be sent to the home page.